I’ve officially entered the menopause funhouse! On one side, I’m free from the monthly bleeding circus and the misery of cramps—thank you, universe! I can finally pack my bags for spontaneous weekend getaways without calculating my cycle or carry around stash of feminine products like a secret agent. On the flip side, I’m now on a wild ride of hot flashes that hit me like a sudden summer bout in a winter coat, leaving me searching for a fan or a refreshing drink while my friends wonder if I’m auditioning for a part in a horror movie. And let’s not forget the mood swings that can turn me into the world’s leading actress in melodrama over the silliest things—one minute I’m laughing at a joke, the next I’m in a full-blown tragedy over misplaced keys. Oh, and the night sweats? They’ve transformed my bed into a sauna and turned my pajamas into a slip n’ slide! It’s a crazy mix of feeling liberated and slightly unhinged, as I navigate this amusement park of chaos with a grin and a hearty chuckle at my own antics.
My days kick off like a rollercoaster ride run by a clueless raccoon. I can effortlessly bounce between tears and laughter, and the only explanation is my hormones throwing a wild party. Just the other day at a social gathering, I felt the urge to cry more times than I can count… over… you guessed it… absolutely NOTHING! My friends burst out laughing, while I looked at them with wide eyes and a shaky whisper, “I’m fine, it’s just the hormones!” It’s like my emotions have hijacked the steering wheel and are driving me through a wacky funhouse where joy and sadness keep crashing into each other. There are moments I find myself chuckling over the silliest memories, and before I realize it, I’m giggling and sniffling at the same time, completely unfazed by how ridiculous it all is. My partner, the saint that he is, plays along with my emotional whiplash and frequently reminds me that this roller coaster is just part of my charm. He offers gentle reassurances, and together we turn the chaos into our own little chaotic love story!
My afternoons and evenings have turned into a circus of panting and peeling off layers in the dead of winter—thank you, hot flashes! One moment, I’m as snug as a bug in a rug with my trusty t-shirt and hoodie, feeling all warm and toasty, and the next, I’m embarking on a dramatic dash outside, shedding my hoodie like it’s a heated blanket. It’s a real comedy show because I also have a thyroid condition that insists on keeping me shivering like a Chihuahua on a snowy day. So, there I am, caught in this wild tug-of-war between feeling like an ice cube and spontaneously combusting into a human sauna. These surprise heatwaves are throwing my internal thermostat into a tailspin, creating a chaotic mishmash of sensations that makes me feel like I’m stuck in a bizarre action movie. The brisk winter air is my only hero, slicing through the oppressive heat like a refreshing superhero, saving me from my unpredictable thermal drama! What am I going to do in the summer??
Oh, the absolute hilarity of night sweats! I wake up feeling like I’ve just done ten rounds in a wrestling match—soaked from head to toe as if I’ve taken an unexpected dive into a kiddie pool! My body seems to enjoy tossing discomfort at me while I wrangle with the covers like I’m auditioning for a role in a reality survival show. I’m pleading for a cool breeze to swoop in like a superhero. With every tick of the clock, beads of sweat slide down my back, spinning a dramatic saga of suffering that feels all too familiar. I slump down on the edge of the bed, taking deep breaths like I’m at some fancy spa, hoping this sweaty cyclone calms down before dawn crashes the party with its obnoxious light show. The pillow, once a fluffy cloud, now feels like it’s been roasted in a brick oven, adding to my woes. Meanwhile, the clock ticks like a hyperactive referee, gleefully counting down my precious sleep while I fight my own body! I steal a glance at the glowing numbers, wishing they’d hit pause and grant me a few more glorious moments of sleep, but instead, they taunt me with every ridiculously slow second that drags on.
None of this has turned into a too wild of a circus yet, or else I’d be off hunting for hormone replacement therapy like a treasure map! For now, I’ve decided to just surf the menopause wave, hopefully without wiping out, and reminding myself that this is all just a temporary detour in my life’s great amusement park! Each day feels like a new ride with its ups and downs—some days I’m soaring high like a rollercoaster, and other days I’m just trying not to lose my lunch on the Tilt-A-Whirl of life! I find comfort in the fact that I’m not alone in this, and plenty of others have experienced the same wild rides, coming out the other side with battle scars and a sense of humour. So, I choose to relish each twist and turn, transforming what could be a chaotic carnival into a delightful sideshow of growth and self-discovery. After all, who wouldn’t want to turn the daunting unknown into a belly-laugh-worthy adventure?
My Phoenix Rising 