When I found out that my youngest daughter kept in touch with my ex-husband, her step-father, I felt betrayed, angry and hurt. It’s not as simple as her keeping in touch with my ex. That particular ex was emotionally and mentally abusive to me, he is a narcissist.
Living with that man was awful. He used all the tricks narcissists use to manipulate and gaslight their victims. He constantly belittled and criticized me, even in front of my family. He didn’t have a kind word for my kids or even his own most of the time. It was fifteen years before I finally left. I couldn’t take it any more, I was suicidal.
Why she would want to keep in touch with a man like that is a mystery to me. She claims he’s changed and has apologized to her for any harm he caused her. She has told me that’s more than what she got from her own alcoholic father. I am trying to see her point of view. Her step-father’s apology seems to have validated her in some way.
The bald fact of the matter is, regardless of my personal feelings, she is entitled to her opinion and has a right to keep in touch with whomever she wants, even if that means maintaining relationships that I don’t fully understand or support. It still hurts, but I am trying to rise above it, to put my emotions aside, and to focus on my own growth and happiness, recognizing that part of becoming stronger is accepting the choices of others, even when they clash with my own desires.
My Phoenix Rising 