My Oldest Daughter: My oldest daughter and her husband came out to the cottage for a visit. It was so good to see her. She’s nearly done her teaching degree and is looking forward to some down time. I’m so proud of her.
We kept the conversation current and light. We needed to reframe our relationship and it is taking time, but that’s okay. In the past, we bonded in an unhealthy way. We’d go to the bar and pick up men together. That bond needed to be adjusted and I’m working on creating a healthy one.
Her oldest son picked me up at the bus stop. Boy, time really flies. It’s hard to believe that he’s off to university next year. I didn’t get to see her other son but there’s always next time. They’re both good kids.
My Son: He’s come a long way. He and his girlfriend split up and since then he has been doing so much better. He’s learned to regulate himself and is working hard to get his shit together. He got a job and is saving money for his own place. He supports his kids by buying whatever they need as their mother cannot be trusted with money.
Visiting with him reminded me of when he was younger. He was beating me in games I taught him to play, and taking great pleasure in it. I’ll have to pick up a cribbage board for next visit. Sitting at the table playing card games was a little triggering for me but we talked a little about his plans for the immediate future and we kept conversation steered away from the past. I’m so happy to see him getting on his feet.
His two kids were well behaved, and boy, were they cute. One is five and the other is three. They played well together and co-operated with their father. My son showed patience and understanding with them. He demonstrated, at least to me, that he had matured a great deal and is learning to deal with his ADHD, Autism and trauma.
My Youngest Daughter: My visits with her were difficult at times. She has her bedroom in her living room and I have a hard time with that. There’s no place to sit and visit unless you are at the kitchen table in an uncomfortable chair. One of her cats can’t keep herself clean which makes the place stink. She can’t afford the maintenance required for that cat and as much as she loves her, it might be time to re-home her. I kept my opinions to myself and accepted the fact this was her home, not mine.
Other than that we kept the topics fairly light and focused on the events of the day. We didn’t discuss the past. She did experience a bit of a melt down, and rightfully so. Her best friend from childhood called her out of the blue. My daughter had been wanting to hang out with her for quite some time but the friend had only called because she needed money. I think she was drunk (she has a drinking problem). As soon as she heard I was in town, she suddenly perked up and wanted me to drop by for a visit. This genuinely hurt my daughter and if I were in her shoes, I’d feel the same way. I didn’t go see the friend as it would just further hurt my daughter. I felt so bad for her. I explained that the friend sounded very drunk and it was nothing personal. The friend’s drinking problem took over, she ran out of money for her medications and was grasping at any straw to cover her expenses. I told my daughter that as much as it hurts it might be time to let go of that friendship.
My granddaughter is now an eleven year old pre-teen. She’s developing into quite the young lady. She loves her six month old baby brother, who I met for the first time. He’s such a joy. The kids were happy and healthy, which is all one can ask for.
My Stepdaughter: I would be remiss if I didn’t mention my stepdaughter. I had plans to go visit her but my PTSD got in the way. Her father, my ex-husband, is a successful realtor in the area and his signs are everywhere. I wasn’t prepared to drive around and see his name wherever I looked so I bowed out, unfortunately. I felt sick to my stomach, my heart raced at the thought of going to “his” area and I started shaking. It was better for my mental health to not go. I felt bad, it’s been a few years since I’d last seen her. I felt bad for cancelling but I have to honour my feelings and respect when the body says no.
I’m slowly accomplishing my goal of creating closer and healthier bonds with my adult children, and repairing damaged relationships. I’m working on getting to know my oldest grandsons and maintaining my relationships with my other grandchildren. The distance poses a bit of a challenge but I get up there whenever I can.
My Phoenix Rising 