There are few times I ever allow anything to live in my head, and this is one of those few times, and I’ve let it happen for days. Writing about it is a way for me to cope, you know, get it all out.
I dated a couple a few years back and after the breakup I was left feeling very hurt. At the time, my mental health wasn’t the greatest, and apparently they were “very sensitive to my mental state”. It makes me wonder what they said about it. And if they mentioned they were having mental health issues too (I doubt it).
From my perspective here’s how things went down: Towards the end of our relationship he and she would constantly argue. I shouldn’t say that, it’s inaccurate, she was constantly yelling at him. I tried to ignore it and started hanging out in the “bedroom” (their house was in need of being condemned-to describe why is a whole other post). Every time she yelled at him I was triggered due to my own past with mental and emotional abuse. I’m not saying she was abusive but she used a lot of the same language and tactics abusers use.
When she wasn’t yelling at him (usually because he wasn’t around) she was telling me and anyone who would listen about all the things she wasn’t getting from her husband. The same level of forgiveness, for instance. She wanted him to forgive her completely and swiftly whenever she makes a mistake, just as she forgives him his mistakes. I don’t think that’s how people work but it’s one of the things she went on about.
To be fair they were adjusting to new medications for their mental health and their house was full of black mold which is very toxic, and can totally fuck with your mental health over time. Each member of the family was having their own mental health issues. I heard they moved out of the house so I sincerely hope the family’s collective mental health has improved.
The point I want to make clear is that it wasn’t just my mental health that ended our relationship, theirs wasn’t in the greatest shape either. Just as I needed to work my shit out, so did they (and I hope they did).
I’m given to understand that being angry over them “being sensitive to my mental state” is not an overreaction, it’s quite normal as it implies that I was the only one having mental health issues. And because I am getting really good with regulating my emotions, I’m not going off to confront them, it isn’t worth it.
Now that I’m reconnecting with some friends from before my wall of depression hit, there’s a chance I’ll run into them. My plan, should that happen, is to just avoid talking to or about them. If they approach me, I can let them know I’ve moved on, I’m happy with my partner, and I have no interest in them, not even as friends.
My Phoenix Rising 