I’ve tried, believe me, I’ve tried. I’ve tried forgiving those who have done me harm; those who have scarred me deeply but it never seemed to last. The hurt, rage and resentment always returned in full force and I would feel guilty every time. It meant that I didn’t truly forgive like I was supposed to. It meant I was trapped, I wouldn’t be able to move on with my life. I’ve since developed very different point of view.
Over the years there has been no remorse, no attempt to make amends, no apology, no act of contrition from anyone and so I do not believe they deserve forgiveness of any kind. It has taken countless hours of different types of therapies to shift my thinking and I feel so much better.
The hurt, rage and resentment don’t eat away at me or cause me to be a bitter and angry person. Oh sure, I have bad days but when I do I am generally able to distract myself, write about it or talk it out with my therapist or partner. I don’t hold on to those feelings for long. I allow myself to experience them, I comfort myself and then get on with my day. And I don’t feel the least bit guilty about not being able to forgive.
Not being able to forgive isn’t the same as being without compassion. It isn’t entirely so-and-so’s fault they grew up to be they way they are any more than it is entirely my fault I grew up to be the way I am (we are all, however, responsible for our own healing as adults). It’s that compassion that frees me from being a slave to the hurt, rage and resentment. It’s that compassion that allows me to move on with my life.
My Phoenix Rising 