It’s day eleven and I feel like I’m ready to explode. Not only am I still dealing with withdrawals from smoking but I have a surgery coming up which has been stressing me out (Finally A Date). It’s a little overwhelming.
I want a cigarette so badly that I feel a little angry and resentful towards my partner for insisting I quit. I’m confident I will one day thank him but today is not that day. He’s aware of how I’m feeling right now and that I am blaming him for my withdrawals. I’m aware of how ridiculous that sounds.
It’s a crazy addiction and so far I’ve been strong but I feel like I’m on the edge of saying “fuck it” and buying a pack of smokes like I have so many times before. I really want that sweet relief of inhaling the smoke and deeply exhaling, like a big sigh. Giving in would give me some relief in the very short term but I would end up feeling like crap.
There are a few reasons I would feel like crap; I did promise my insisting partner that I would quit over a year ago; I get short of breath with any kind of physical exertion; I wheeze slightly when at rest.
I know logically it is best for me to stay the course, it’s really fucking hard.
My Phoenix Rising 