Since my last entry on the subject I have continued to smoke as per usual, until a couple of days ago, that is. That’s right I’m making yet another attempt to ditch this awful addiction. This time I’m using the patch along with lozenges and a Juul vape. So far, I haven’t needed bail money but it’s still early in the process.
I hate that I ever started smoking and have been a slave to this addiction for over forty years. When I started smoking it was to rebel against my parents and to assert my independence from them. Now it’s a monkey on my back that I’ve struggled to shake for so long.
I’ve got the nicotine addiction covered with smoking cessation aids but I’m going to have to give those up too, eventually. My strategy is to get rid of one thing at a time; first, the cigarettes; then the Juul; then the patch; and finally the lozenges.
The mental obsession is a little trickier to navigate. My mind has told me I’m not strong enough to beat nicotine; that maybe I don’t really want to quit, I’d rather sneak around; and there’s the almost inevitable weight gain.
Oh, I sincerely hope I don’t gain more weight, I’m already bigger than I have ever been in my life. I was always a medium size and now I have to shop for x-large to plus sizes. It really sucks, especially since I already suffer from body dysmorphia.
Yeah, I’ve had some pretty stupid reasons to hang on to this stupid addiction.
My Phoenix Rising 