I don’t want to give too much away about this series but there may be a few spoilers ahead. This is not a critique of the show rather an illustration of how I can relate to Alex and the difficulties in leaving an abusive relationship. This show actually made me cry a little.
I was in more than one abusive relationship and they each took their toll on my mental health. Because husband number two never hit me I didn’t think I could call it abuse but it is. That was the first thing I noticed Alex and I had in common, we both struggled to accept that the mental and emotional abuse was, in fact, domestic abuse.
Alex and I have both endured manipulation coupled with overtures of love and pleading for us to come back. We both eventually did but for different reasons. I was trying to save my marriage and she had suffered so many setbacks she didn’t think she had another choice. But we both went back into the fire.
Then came the deep dark well of depression and the feeling of never being able to escape the shtitastrophy of a marriage (or relationship) I was stuck in. Alex and I were both trapped. It took me a few tries before I was finally able to leave for good. Alex left again after Shawn had another outburst.
It’s been my experience that abuse doesn’t get better no matter what you do. It always escalates. It was just a matter of time before my husband would have likely hit me. I’ve been down that road before. And somewhere deep inside, Alex knew it would only get worse too. So far neither of us have gone back to our abusers. I closed that door for the last time and it looks like she did too.
Breaking free from a pattern of getting into abusive relationships is hard work. It takes a lot of brutal and sometimes harsh honesty but it is worth the journey. The relationship I have now is better and healthier because of the work I’ve done and my partner’s infinite patience.
**After watching Maid I felt compelled to write this for the women who keep going back or keep getting into abusive relationships. I see you, you are not dumb or stupid, it’s not uncommon for it to take a few tries to leave for good, and it’s not uncommon to get into a pattern of abusive relationships. You’re not alone.**
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger call 911.
Click here for information on women’s shelters within Canada and click here for more helpful information.
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My Phoenix Rising 