Every kid from grade one through grade twelve knows the very back seats on the school bus are choice. They are the most fun when the driver goes over a big bump and you go flying up in the air. It was always a race to the front of the line so you could get on the bus first.
I, for once, made it to the front of the line and took my well deserved seat at the very back of the bus. There were a couple of older girls who decided they wanted to kick me out of my seat and take it themselves. They forced me to move over and they tried squishing me up against the bus wall and when I told them I still wasn’t moving they resorted to something known as pinch hickeys.
A pinch hickey is when you take a bit of the skin on the neck and pinch and twist it. It leaves marks on your neck that look like hickeys, and they are quite painful. I sat there, stoically staring forward without any expression on my face. Tears burning and threatening to escape my eyes. I didn’t let them though, I held it all in and stared forward.
They didn’t give up for a long time. I’m not sure what made them stop, maybe the bus driver warned them or something, I don’t remember. What I do remember is explaining to my parents why I had red marks all over my neck. My mother blamed me, it was my own fault I was bullied. I was, after all, a piss pot*. She clearly didn’t understand the situation, it had nothing to do with having an accident, I didn’t have one that day. Nothing was ever done about the incident but I was told to sit closer to the front of the bus.
As far as I can tell the bullies won the day as there were no consequences for either one of them. I also learned something though, I learned I could shut down and dissociate enough to remain stoic and stare blankly forward in the face of physical and emotional pain. I learned that if I need rescuing I’d better do it myself or it won’t get done.
*Piss pot- A name my mother frequently called me because I experienced urinary incontinence until I became a pre-teen (11 or 12). A piss pot is exactly what it sound like, basically a chamber pot.
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My Phoenix Rising 