Saying it out loud is still awkward but here it goes, “I’m an artist.” My friends have been calling me an artist for a couple of years and I’ve always fought it. I didn’t feel like I had the right to say I was an artist. I feel like my art is just a step above finger painting and play-doh in spite of the time I’ve invested in practicing painting or sculpting every day.
No, my art isn’t good enough to be called art. At least that was my argument but then my partner pointed out something very interesting. I don’t have to like my own art for others to buy it. Then, as if the universe wanted to teach me a lesson, I sold two paintings and was a commissioned to do a piece within days of putting my paintings on display in the hallway of my apartment building. Also four of my paintings were stolen and people don’t often steal something unless they like it.
My partner then pointed out that I can’t say I’m not an artist any more. My therapist, among others, have also jumped on the bandwagon. I still tried to fight it but more evidence manifested against me. I sold a fourth painting for more than I would have I imagined, and the paint wasn’t even dry yet! I showed a guy I know a picture of it and he told me to name my price, so I did. I promise it was fair.
I have since been going through canvases like crazy, but not because I’m producing actual paintings rather because I keep messing something up and need to cover them with gesso. Frankly, it’s easiest to go over a painting with black gesso than white so I end up with a lot of black canvases. An artist friend of mine joked that I may just become famous for only painting on black canvases and only a select few will know the real reason why.
The same artist friend insists I’m an artist too and has been mentoring me. He has been listening to my artist woes; nothing is working out the way I want on the canvas, I hate everything; and I get paint everywhere. Of course he laughs and says, “Welcome to the wonderful world of being an artist. I was exactly where you are. You will waste a lot of paint and go through a lot of canvases in your process but you will get there.”
My Phoenix Rising 