I’m gearing up to visit my adult children and their families at the end of the month and I’m super excited about it. It has been a year since I last visited with my daughter and granddaughter and longer than that for my biological daughter and my son.
My daughter and I talk almost every day and we’ve gotten closer than ever before. I can ‘hardly wait to visit with her family. That’s where I’ll be staying when I’m in New Brunswick.
As excited as I am at the prospect of seeing my biological daughter and my son I feel somewhat apprehensive. Up until a few weeks ago my son hadn’t talked to me in years. he’d been feeling abandoned by and angry with me. Instead of validating his feelings I argued with him and defended my actions. But I digress…
He’s recently started reaching out to me and I am able to validate him and see things from his point of view. He’s not in a good place in his life right now but he is working towards profound and lasting change. I worry I’ll say the wrong thing and set him back, or he’ll ask more of me than I am capable of giving. It will be like getting to know him all over again. I’ll also have to accept his girlfriend without conditions despite my personal feelings towards her.
Visiting with my biological daughter may prove tricky. I feel like there is a great chasm between us which is dangerous to traverse. There will be certain no-fly zones, things we simply can’t discuss. I want us both to feel safe being honest and genuine with one another. I really don’t want to talk about our parents or my brother or God, it would all be very triggering for me; and I’m willing to stay away from topics which may trigger her in any way.
What I can do between now and my visit is come up with a list of strategies for dealing with any moments I feel strongly triggered. Having a plan may just be the key to giving me enough confidence to approach reconnecting with both my son and biological daughter with patience and curiosity rather than fear and apprehension.
My Phoenix Rising 