“I am letting go of that which no longer serves me” is a mantra I often use when I meditate or practice yoga, I repeat it with every exhale and it’s been particularly helpful on days when I feel down on myself and struggling to practice self-compassion. It could mean letting go of a relationship, a grudge, a behaviour, self-doubt, pretty much anything under the sun.
Sorting through what serves me and what doesn’t can be kind of like picking fly shit out of pepper but I start by asking if it’s helping me grow or if it’s holding me back. Am I moving forward or stuck spinning my wheels in the muck?
It can feel scary letting things go. Sometimes holding on to something can feel so familiar and strangely comforting but it doesn’t enhance my life in any way. It does create a mental environment prefect for ruminating. If it feels too scary to let something go I remind myself I can take it back any time I want to, and whenever I do I repeat the process. The time it takes gets a little faster and it gets easier each time.
I’ll use the example of holding a grudge against someone. Frankly, it’s like pissing down my own leg. It starts off feeling nice and warm but soon turns cold and uncomfortable, and I’m the only one who feels it. Or, as I’ve heard quoted; it’s like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. And it keeps me stuck in the past without a way forward.
I had this boyfriend who, beat me up pretty badly. He actually choked me out a couple of times and thought he killed me. Do I hold a grudge against him? The short answer is no, it would eat away at me until there was nothing but bitterness left. Do I forgive him? I can if I want to but I don’t have to. Letting go of a grudge isn’t the same as forgiveness, there is a monumental difference.
The difference is that letting go is moving beyond the situation and not letting it influence or control thoughts, feelings and behaviours in the present or in the future. Letting go focuses on me and my mental health. Forgiveness changes that focus to whomever was unfair or hurtful. It’s for them, not me. I’ll never forgive that boyfriend (or any other abusive boyfriend) for what he (they) did; it took me years to finally let go so it does not influence my thoughts, feelings and behaviours in the present or in the future.
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My Phoenix Rising 