You Can Have Empathy For Someone And Still Put Yourself First

In October 2019 I was sexually assaulted by a man I thought was an old friend from back in the day. I didn’t report it until January 2020 and even then I struggled with whether or I was doing the right thing.

You see, this man had two kids, but his son dropped dead on his way to school. It was something to do with the child’s heart. He had also injured his back and became addicted to opiods and is on the methadone program. His daughter has been staying at the grandparents most of the time so he hardly saw her. He was pretty much a shut-in and wasn’t someone who would go out and do something like that to another girl. I used to go with him way back when and I honestly think he felt entitled. I’m not saying it’s okay or justified in any way but I am an empathetic person and can see things more than one way. He’s also kind of a simpleton so I doubt he understood what he was doing to me was wrong. I really felt sorry for him.

I worried about what of sexual assault charge and/or conviction would do to his mental health. In the meantime my mental health was suffering. I hadn’t even told my partner yet but my mind kept replaying that night over and over. I became more depressed and started drinking more than usual.

I finally broke down and told my best friend. I talked to her about my struggle with whether or not to report it. Her exact words were, “You can have empathy for someone and still put yourself first”. That hit me like a ton of bricks. I didn’t have to carry this alone. I told my partner and reported the rape. Nothing came of it, as I expected, but I took care of me. I got back into therapy in June 2020 and it’s been going well.

I’m finding this philosophy helpful in other areasmof my life too, especially when it comes to setting boundaries. It is often difficult and sometimes I feel like I’m being mean but my mental health comes first and I owe noone an explaination.