I haven’t made a secret of having survived more than one sexual assault or that my older brother was one of the males who has molested me. I’ve also expressed the lack of justice for victims like me. It all still makes me so angry I vibrate and I feel like some vindication would help but none of my assailants except my brother are reachable. So my focus has been placed on my brother, what do I do about him? I’ll be honest, I’m kind of obsessing about it. Making significant decisions based on emotion (in this case anger) alone is one of the things that has caused me much grief, maybe not right then and there but eventually.
I want to talk about emotions for a moment. It’s imortant for me remember that my feelings are just that, feelings. There is no actual emergency, I just need to do something to regulate my emotions so I can think clearly. I need to honor my emotions but I don’t need to let them spiral out of control. I need to observe my emotions but I don’t need to judge them.
One of the things I learned in therapy is how to make a pros and cons list. This is basically mine in a nutshell, I may think of more stuff as I consider all of this but it’s a start:
| Action | Pros | Cons |
|---|---|---|
| Making a criminal compaint against my brother. | 1. I may end up being vindicated and receive some justice if he is found guilty. 2. I may feel like I can finally lay the issue to rest and my mental health could improve. 3. I wouldn’t be viewed as a liar by my parents any more if he was found guilty. 4. It would force my brother to be remorseful and acknowledge what he did. 5. He would be held accountable by the law if found guilty. | 1. I may still feel as though I’ve been cheated out of any kind of justice ifhe is found not guilty. 2. My family may disown me. 3. I would still be viewed as the liar if he was not found guilty. 4. He hasn’t felt remoseful in all these years, why start now? 5. There would be no accountability for him. 6. It could possibly destroy his family and his image. 7. I may end up being framed as the crazy, troubled one in the family. |
| Letting go of the past completely and just never speak to him again. | 1. I may set myself free from this burden I have been carrying alone all this time. 2. There may be fewer intrusive thoughts. 3. I may grow stronger in practicing radical acceptance (it is what it is). | 1. I may feel weak. 2. Intrusive thoughts may continue to haunt me. 3. My mental health could suffer and I could still obsess over this. |
My Phoenix Rising 