Yup, you read that correctly, I lied to the priest at my first confession, and I’m positive my Catholic friends will find that hysterical. My logic behind lying, maybe not so much.
Growing up, I did not trust adults at all. I felt like I was always at odds with them and on the losing end. I felt like my teachers were not giving my parents an accurate picture of what I went through at school, just that I didn’t put in enough effort on my studies. I felt like most adults in my life would rat me out to my mother just as quick as look at me if I did the slightest thing wrong.
All of this mistrust at the ripe old age of nine. The time came for my first confession. A priest is supposed to keep your confession confidential, right? Well, I decided I would put that to the test. I lied, I told him I was taking drugs. I wanted to see if he was like most other adults and tattle on me. I guess he must have because the next thing I knew my parents were taking me to counsellor after counsellor trying get inside my head. I found out years later my mother wanted to know if I was actually taking drugs.
Out of maybe three or four counsellors there was only one I would speak to but after a while I clammed up on her too. I suspect she repeated something to my mother that I told her in confidence and my mother used it against me in an argument or something.
There were a couple of adults in my life that I did trust (still do) but I just couldn’t bring myself to talk about some of my struggles. Maybe I was afraid they would see me differently, or confront my mother thereby inadvertently getting me into trouble, or maybe I was ashamed because I was told I was shameful, who knows? I do know that trust is still hard for me but I keep on working at it and thankfully, there are a few more people who have been added to my trust circle.
Photo Courtesy of Pexels Free Photos
My Phoenix Rising 