But Is It Helpful?

Before I publish an article to my blog I often ask myself, “is it helpful”? It would be very easy to turn this blog into a perpetual rant-fest, and sometimes I’m temtpted, but then I ask if it is helpful. It’s also something one of my first therapists said to me frequently.

I, by no means, live up to this idea all the time but I try. Asking myself this simple question has kept me in check thereby saving me a great deal of guilt and shame. Does a rant-fest actually help anyone?

There were times I would start going down memory lane and laying out all the hurts that were put upon me in great detail. I would start talking about what a horrible, unlovable person I am. She would ask if that line of thinking was helpful. Of course it wasn’t. She would ask if talking about specific events was all that helpful. My answer was no, not really. Not long after that I started Dialectical Behavioural Therapy in a group setting.

To be perfectly frank, I reccommend DBT to everyone, even if you don’t have any mental health issues. I picked up some new skills that help me deal with spiraling emotions and interrupt my ruminating. I learned to be more mindful of my feelings and how they impact my body instead of going off like a tazmanian devil.

I learned about my disorders and the root causes of them, primarily trauma. I learned to be less judgemental of myself, my thoughts, my feelings and my actions. I learned to use better judgement by accessing the wise part of my mind. I am more careful with my wording and my intent behind them.

Through another group type therapy I learned a lot more about me and my relationships with myself and others. To explain all the changes in one article would be far too much but everything was heading in a positive direction. Every step I took in therapy was paying off but then a few things happened.

I was sexually assaulted by an “old friend”, my son suddenly stopped speaking to me, I had a huge falling out with my father and by extension, the rest of my family. This all set me back a bit but I got right back into one on one therapy and it has been paying off. I did tell her about the whole “but is it helpful” idea and now she uses it too.

Brooding, ruminating, harsh judgements, making assumptions and self-destructing are all unhelpful. Therapy, putting names on my emotions, meditating, yoga, writing this blog and having zero contact with some family memebers is helpful.